How It All Began

After my wedding, I shuttled frequently between Singapore and Kuala Lumpur (where my husband was working). Several months later, I was surprised to discover my pregnancy. Suddenly, all-day sleepiness, indigestion and vomiting overwhelmed me, and I rested in Kuala Lumpur.

The expected delivery date (EDD) was 28 Feb 2009. My husband and I decided that if baby were to be born within one week of Valentine’s Day, his name would begin with “V”.

Throughout pregnancy, our baby grew well and we waited eagerly for D-day, hoping for a natural vaginal delivery with minimal medical intervention.

Show-Time

14 Feb 2009: My EDD was still two weeks away and “the show” occurred, right on Valentine’s Day. I went to the hospital for a check by the midwife. She said all was fine and I could rest at home. So no Valentine’s Day baby.

At night, I experienced a 1-minute cramp. Then nothing else. This was probably Braxton Hicks contractions. We were so looking forward to holding Baby Valentine in the next few days!

First Stage Latent Phase

16 Feb 2009 8.05p.m.: We were watching a Hong Kong drama serial when I felt a minor cramp. One hour later, it happened again – this time slightly stronger. Then the cramps started coming in every 10 to 15 minutes.

My husband went to bed while I couldn’t sleep with the frequent cramps. Bad move as I still had a very long journey ahead!

17 Feb 2009 3.a.m.: For seven hours, I have managed the cramps with deep-breathing techniques learnt at antenatal classes. When the contractions reached about ten in an hour, I dragged my husband out of bed, and wanted to go to the hospital. He thought I was over-enthusiastic, told me to relax, and continued sleeping. I carried on managing the contractions and we finally reached the hospital at 6a.m.

6.40a.m.: The midwife checked me (ouch, that was so painful!) — I was 1.5cm dilated, contractions at 10 minutes interval.

Five hours later, I was STILL 1.5cm dilated! Things were progressing at a snail’s pace, so I was transferred from the labour ward to a normal ward.

Through the day, the contractions built up and lasted longer, up to 70 seconds at about 6 minutes interval. There was hardly any time to think about anything, as I was still managing the contractions with only deep-breathing exercises.

7p.m.: It has been 22 hours since the first contraction, and I was finally 3cm dilated, considered entering first stage active labour.

First Stage Active Phase

17 Feb 2009 11p.m.: Contractions were strong and regular, manageable with deep-breathing techniques. However, I was getting drained from lack of sleep and standing almost the entire day. It certainly didn’t help that I was only 3cm dilated and had seven more centimetres to go. So much effort yet so little progress. We decided to opt for epidural, so that we could catch some rest. It was a reluctant decision.

18 Feb 2009 1.30a.m.: The epidural anesthesia was administered. Soon after, I felt the numbness and no more contractions pain. What a relief! I probably dozed off immediately.

7a.m.: I was 5-6cm dilated. The ob-gyn broke my water bag and gave me an oxytocin drip to speed things up a little.

Then, I started vomiting, possibly due to the side effects of epidural.

9.25a.m.: Ob-gyn checked me – 7cm dilation but baby was turning towards the back.

10.45a.m.: I vomitted again. Midwife examined me and said I was almost ready. Baby would be out in about 20 minutes. Finally, the time has arrived!

Second Stage

18 Feb 2009 11.10a.m.: Midwife told me to start pushing and briefly explained how to do so. I gathered my energy and focused on my core abdominal muscles, learnt from Pilates classes. Within 12 minutes and three pushes, my Baby Valentine was delivered! He was born a hefty 3.48kg, considered huge for my petite size. No wonder I experienced severe backache during pregnancy.

After a brief cleaning up, the midwife passed my newborn to me. But just at that moment, I felt like vomiting, so hastily shoved the bundle back to her. What a way to start our bonding time.

During delivery, Vee stretched his arm out and gave me a first degree tear. While the ob-gyn stitched me up, I continued to bleed rather profusely. In the end, I lost about 1000ml of blood and became anaemic – a close shave from blood transfusion.

After Delivery

18 Feb 2009 11.43a.m.: While the doctor was stitching me up, I tried to latch Vee onto my breasts for the first time and it was a steep learning curve. This was the start of our 18 months breastfeeding journey.

For two days in the hospital, I roomed in with baby as much as possible and breastfed him every 1 to 2 hours. He was colicky and impatient, while I learnt the ropes of cradling and latching him on correctly. Although my nipples became rather sore from the frequent feeds, by our discharge on the third day post-delivery, Vee was nursing happily up to 45 minutes for each feed.

Time flies and my Baby Valentine has grown into Toddler Valentino. I shall always cherish memories of my first labour experience.

About the Writer
MieVee is a Stay-At-Home-Mum with a 2-year old son, Vee. She supports cloth diapering, natural parenting and homeschooling. Her website, MummysReviews.com
, aims to help parents make smart purchases and organises regular giveaways. You may contact MieVee at MieVee@MummysReviews.com

This article was first published in Today’s Motherhood Magazine Feb/Mar 2011 issue Page 12

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Dr. Ben Choey from SBCC Women’s Clinic answered some of the frequently asked questions of having sex during pregnancy.

Can I have sex during pregnancy?
Sex is safe during pregnancy and will not harm the baby. Your baby is well protected by amniotic fluid which acts as a cushion. However, there are certain clinical conditions that may require you to refrain from sexual intercourse. For example, if there are abnormalities with the placenta (low lying), preterm labor, or if you have bleeding in pregnancy.

Does my sexual desires change during pregnancy?
Do expect a roller coaster pattern of your sex life during your nine months of pregnancy as your hormone levels ride up and down. A woman may interestingly find herself more or less interested in sex. A couple may also have an imbalance between their desires for physical intimacy during pregnancy. Curiously there are some men who do not feel comfortable having intercourse during pregnancy.

During the first trimester, most women find their sex drives at rock bottom levels, as pregnancy hormones start to set in. Interest in sex may pick up during your second trimester when your testosterone levels hit the high. But in the third trimester, you may experience waning of your libido at an even greater level than first trimester. This may be contributed by your big tummy, your anxiety about delivery, increasing back pains, and hemorrhoids. Sex will probably be the last thing on your mind.

What sex positions are safe for my baby?
As far as positions go, having you at the bottom does not crush the baby. There is a lot of amniotic fluid which cushions your baby. But as you get more and more pregnant, it is more difficult to assume the bottom position. Start experimenting new positions with your partner, as long as both of you are comfortable.

Will my baby get infection after sex?
There is no risk of infection as long as your water bag membranes are intact, cervix is not dilated, and your partner is free from sexually transmitted diseases. The amniotic bag keeps your baby safe from micro-organisms and semen.

Do I need to use protection during sex?
It depends on who you are having sex with. If it’s with your partner, or the man you trust, sexual intercourse during this point is safe. But it is not safe if you are particularly concerned about sexually transmitted diseases. You don’t want to just protect yourself. You want to protect your baby as well. So, if it’s a new relationship or a new man, make sure you use condoms.

I have a high-risk pregnancy. Is it safe to have intercourse?
It’s safe, but you need to talk to your obstetrician. You need to understand what the high-risk pregnancy is. But most likely sex is ok, unless you have ruptured membranes or low-lying placenta.

Is there a difference between women who had vaginal birth or Caesarean section when they want to have sex again?
There is a difference. Caesarean section is a surgery, and it will take you between 6-12 weeks for full recovery. By the same token, if you had a vaginal delivery, your vagina is not going to feel the same. Your husband may feel the vagina is looser, but to you it may feel like you are having sex the first time. So, the idea is to have a good relationship with your partner and to work together to create an environment to have sex and to be close to each other.

Dr Ben Choey
Obstetrician & Gynaecologist
SBCC Women’s Clinic (Clementi)

Dr Ben Choey is a gynaecologic surgeon who has been committed to women’s health for more than 10 years. He obtained his Master of Medicine (O&G) and became a member of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (United Kingdom) in 2007. He was appointed Clinical Tutor in Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine and Duke-NUS Graduate Medical School.

Practice Address:
SBCC Women’s Clinic (Clementi)
Blk 443 Clementi Ave 3 #01-53 Singapore 120443 Tel: 6774 1654 Fax: 6774 3654

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Researchers have confirmed that the main obstacle to learning is the negative self-limiting belief in one’s subconscious mind. Such negative belief, common in children (equally true in adults), hinders them from realizing their true potential. InnerTalk patented technologies introduce positive affirmations or messages like

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Double-blind means that there are two blind spots in the tests, i.e. both the researchers and the subjects do not know which group does each subject belongs to.

After a period of usage, the researchers study the subjects and provide objective measurement of the effects. The tests were conducted in US and Europe universities like Stanford University etc. The tests concluded that the InnerTalk programs produced significant positive results.

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Three common factors are: sitting position, poor fine motor skills, and sensory issues.

When a child does not have a correct sitting position, it would affect the movement of her arms and hands in handwriting. Hence, poor quality may result which can be frustrating for the child and parents. Good fine motor skills are essential for handwriting development. A child should develop good grip and pinch strength to hold the pencil properly. A mature way to hold the pencil is by using the tripod grasp (thumb, index and middle finger). The bilateral coordination or the use of both hands should also be developed for activity such as stabilizing the paper with one hand while the other hand is writing. Additionally, hand-eye coordination is needed especially when copying from the board or another paper.

One of the sensory issues that affects handwriting is tactile defensiveness or hypersensitive to touch. This may result in the child’s reluctance to hold her pencil. This negative reaction is likely to result in poor handwriting quality. Another issue could be due to poor proprioception or difficulty perceiving the position of parts of the body. Hence, some children write lightly on the paper, while others write with too much pressure. Sometimes, a child with this problem may rip the paper when writing with a pencil.

It is important to determine the cause of the problem and provide immediate solutions for them. Teaching your child as early as possible may give her the opportunity to reach higher potential in school. As parents, there are steps you can follow to help support your child in developing better handwriting skills.

Here are some useful techniques:

Teach your child proper sitting position

Your child’s quality of handwriting can be influenced by the position of her body in relation to her chair and desk. Parents can help to support proper writing posture for their child by following a few easy tips:

• When your child sits back in her chair
•  Her feet should be flat on the floor.
• Ankles should be at least 90 degree angle when touching the ground. If her feet do not touch the ground, place a footstool or books under her feet.
• The upper legs should be parallel to the floor which gives the hips and knees a 90 degree angle.
• She should have a space between herself and the edge of the desk that is about the length of her fist.
• If her knees touch the bottom of the desk, the height of the table should be adjusted higher, or switch to a higher desk.
• Her elbows should be bent a few inches below armpit height when placing her arms on the desk. If the elbows are parallel to the armpit height or above, the desk is too high and needs adjustment, or switch to another desk.

Be involved in writing tasks

It is very important that parents be involved in their child’s homework. The child needs to feel the support and guidance from her parents especially for those who have more difficulties with school work. Parents can help by demonstrating how to hold the pencil or by providing hand-over-hand assistance. Your child will gain confidence in her writing with your proper guidance. Practice should be an everyday affair, administered in short tasks for better results. It is important to focus on one objective at a time such as a particular letter, spacing, alignment, and size.

Always encourage your child to hold the pencil in a correct pencil grip. Tripod position or “three-jaw-chuck” is the best pencil grasp for handwriting. If your child cannot assume and maintain this position, a modification can be done such as attaching pencil grips. Paper should be at a slight slant and if necessary over the mid-line of the body. Give your child praises and encouragements for letters or words that are written well.

Provide fine motor activities at home

Parents can also provide different types of fine motor activities depending on the availability of resources. Here are samples of activities that can be done at home:

• Use fingers to pick up and put small objects such as marbles, beans or coins in containers
• Use clothes pegs to hang cards or small clothes
• Use tweezers or chopsticks to pick up rings, cotton balls, or any small objects
• Form letters using clay or dough
• Lace beads
• Join Lego or blocks
• Tear or crumple paper
• Cut with scissors (strips or shapes)
• Write on a paper with two lines or 3 lines for more advanced handwriting

Seek the support of Occupational Therapists for your child

Many children are now referred to Occupational Therapists because of poor fine motor skills development. Teachers and parents sometimes report that their child has poor handwriting quality and takes a long period of time to complete their school work. When parents bring their child to therapy centres, Occupational Therapists will conduct assessments to determine underlying problems, formulate a plan, and provide intervention.

Interventions may include sensory stimulation, postural control and alignment, proprioceptive inputs on both hands, and fine motor activities. They also provide parents support through consultation and home instruction programme. Parents can then implement the activities at home to achieve better results. Furthermore, parents can benefit from workshops and hands-on activities so they can experience and explore on how to best teach their child.

This article is brought to you by the team of speech-language therapists and occupational therapist from The Children’s Therapy Centre. They work with children of all ages with communication, motor or attention difficulties.

Contact Information
Queenstown Multi-Service Centre, 150A Mei Chin Road #02-01 Singapore 140 150.
Email: mth@thkms.org.sg
Tel: 6471 4270

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Computers – and increasingly tablets and smart phones too – are good learning tools just like traditional early childhood activities and materials like building blocks, books, writing materials and dramatic play. As parents, we need to examine the impact of technology on our children and make sure that they use it correctly for their own development of literacy, cognitive, and social skills.

So how can we do that without overstepping our boundaries? Here are a few easy ways to manage your children’s use of the Internet.

1.Parental supervision is still advised. Just like how we would want age-appropriate books and magazines to be in the hands of our children, there is also a need for us to monitor what they are doing and viewing online.

2. Involve your children in setting up rules. Not only does this make them feel like they are part of the process but they are also more likely to follow the rules. Discuss and make rules with your children about when and how long they can be online and what sites are appropriate for them to visit. You may find that you end up learning a lot from your child as well.

3. Keep the computer accessible to everyone. Placing the computer in an area where other family members are usually present promotes interaction and ensures that should your child have any questions about something they’ve seen online, that someone will be there to assist them.

4.Be honest about the dangers online. While it may be tempting to shield our children from the dangers that lurk behind the Internet, it’s also a surefire way of making them vulnerable to it. Educating them about the possibility of online threats (viruses, cybercriminals, cyberbullies) will hopefully make them think twice before clicking an unknown link or allowing a stranger into their social network.

5. Enlist the help of parenting tools. Norton Online Family is a free online tool that parents can use to stay informed of what sites children visit, what they search for, who they chat with, and what social networking sites they spend time at. You’ll get to know your kids better and gain a deeper understanding of their online interests, so you can protect and guide them. This tool is now made available for Android, iPhone®, iPod touch® and iPad™ devices. Without having to open a web browser, parents can monitor their children’s online activities, change settings and turn features on/off anytime, anywhere.

For more tips on how to keep your kids and yourself safe online, please visit: www.norton.com/familyresouces.

[i] Source: http://www.ida.gov.sg/Publications/20070822125451.aspx

[ii] Idiom definition: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curiosity_killed_the_cat

By Effendy Ibrahim
Internet Safety Advocate & Director, Consumer Business, Asia, Symantec

The Feb / Mar 2012 issue of our free online parenting magazine The New Age Parents is out now. Valentine’s Day is round the corner and we have a included a Valentine’s Day Special just for you.

Below are the highlights of this issue:

• Top 10 Most Romantic Movies in recent years
• My Child Just Doesn’t Get It: Making Sense of Misbehaviour
• HELP! My Baby Has Hole in His Heart
• Snoring in Children: Do We Need to Worry?
• Conscious Connecting: Essential Types of Touch and its Benefits
• Caesarean Section vs Vaginal Birth
• and many more.

Happy Valentine’s Day

To read our Free Parenting Magazine, go to The New Age Parents Magazine.

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