Today’s Motherhood

Attending to a newborn baby makes parents both happy and devastated. The joy of seeing a new life is definitely compensated by baby care that entails time and effort. Sleepless nights and restless moments due to taking care of the baby are not actually necessary if you follow these tips below:

• Feeding your baby – This might be considered the most crucial task because you need to adjust before your baby actually develops a feeding routine. Feeding doesn’t have to eat so much of your time if you:

1 Set a breast feeding station. This may refer to an area where you can find the bottles, the pumps, the napkins and all other things you need for feeding. If you are set on a feeding station, you don’t have to run around the house look for whatever you need every time baby needs to be fed.

2. Pump milk from one breast while allowing baby to breast feed on the other. This can keep you awake and monitor baby feeding while letting you save time by multi-tasking.

3. Set a small refrigerator or a bottle warmer in the feeding station, inside the baby’s room or in your room if the baby co-sleeps with you. Again, this will stop you from running to and from during feeding time.

4. In cases when you baby already eats solid foods, you can try to prepare in batches. For instance, you can steam veggies and fruits all in one seating and place the rest in the refrigerator for future consumption.

• Changing diapers – taxing and critical. Changing diapers require a lot of effort especially to first time parents.

5. Prepare a changing station or an area where diapers, baby wipes, cottons and other necessities can be stored. The station need not be an entire area of the house. It can also be in a big box or basket that can be kept under the table or bed.

6. Pack a diaper station inside the car when traveling. Add on rash creams, wipes and bandages as emergency kit.

7. Let baby wear gowns during bedtime. It’s easier to remove and change diapers with gowns than with sleepers.

• Bath time – this can be a rewarding experience for both the mother and the baby. You don’t have to leave your child alone long enough if you can follow these suggestions:

8. Shower together. Getting into the tub together can provide enough time for yourself and at the same time allow you to monitor your baby even if you are taking the shower.

9. Like your feeding and changing gears, bathing necessities should also be prepared before hand. This will not only save time but will also prevent the child from getting exposed to the cold for quite a long period.

• Keeping the house – Of course, parenting is not just all about the baby. It is also all about the house. Keeping it clean and orderly can be taxing unless you:

10. Make a quick clean up everyday. Organize little things at once to prevent bigger mess when they pile up. The laundry should also be sorted upon use. Use laundry organizers where you can place socks, blankets, gowns and other used clothes separately.

This article was first published in Today’s Motherhood Magazine Feb-Mar 11 issue Page 14

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Question: My 7 year old child keeps telling lies. I have tried both scolding and giving reasons not to lie but it can’t work. What else can I do?

Answer: Scolding and lecturing only work temporarily. If you want to ensure that your child learns to be an honest human being we first have play “detective”. This detective will need to identify the reason a.k.a. trigger for your child’s habitual lying. Behavior, in children especially, is a form of communication.

So ask yourself - What is your child trying to tell/show you by lying to you? It may be that your child is trying to avoid punishment, or he may trying to gain a sense of control over his environment, protect someone or he may be lying to get your sole attention as he knows that you will spend time punishing or lecturing him. Some studies have also found that children lie because they have seen their parents engaging in white lies to in-laws, telemarketers, etc., and then copy them.

Before we move onto the “action plan” phase, you need to acept that, generally, lying is normal among children and often developmentall appropriate. Although, most children lie one time or another, it is best to address this behavior because if you don’t a likelihood that your child will grow “into lying habits” exists.

A helpful action plan to teach your child that lying is not acceptable follows:

1. Model truthful behavior. Catch yourself before you tell a white lie to your friend, realtives or a saleperson (e.g., “Im sorry I am terribly sick” in order to avoid catching up with an irritating acquaintance) in front of your child.

2. Once you have identified the trigger for lying, i.e. lying to boost his self-esteem, help your child come up with a better solution. You could enroll your child in an activity he does very well in to boost his confidence for example.

3. Make sure you do not reward your child for lying. You may not even know that you are doing so. Your child may lie to get something he wants – ensure you check the facts before giving into his wants.

4. Don’t shame children. Don’t shame your child when he makes mistakes or doesn’t do well at school. This will only teach him to lie to avoid being shamed or feeling guilty.

5. Reward truthfulness. Say “Wow – I know that must have been hard to tell me. I am very proud of you that you told the truth”.

6. Catch your children’s lie in a matter of fact tone (do not punish). Say something like “oops, I’m not sure that is the real story” or “hmmm, do you want to think about that again and tell me what really happened?”. Give your child a chance to tell you the truth. By giving him this chance he will also begin to learn that telling the truth will not get him in trouble, which will therefore decrease his lying.

Therefore, remember, if you want your child to change his behavior, it is important that you also change your responses to him. Once he feels comfortable to tell the truth, his bad habit of lying will decrease significantly.

Vanessa von Auer
Clinic Director/Psychologist
MA (Counseling), B.A. Psychology (hons.), EMDR

Vanessa von Auer is the Clinic Director/Psychologist of Von Auer Psychology Centre VAPC. She has spent her career helping parents learn effective parenting strategies, has helped children process their emotional difficulties in healthy ways and has helped families grower closer in their dynamics with one another. For more information, visit www.vapc.sg

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It’s not just about sleep…it’s about beautiful dreams!

A healthy relationship is one that is based on love, care, trust and positivity. It pays to start cultivating a healthy relationship in your child’s early years because it promotes a peaceful ambiance at home. Children are also more incline to spend time at home and cultivate healthier behaviours and habits.

Here are some indispensable tips on how you can cultivate a healthy relationship with your young ones:

• Empathize & be in their shoes
Show your care by staying focused on your present feelings. Ask questions and try to see things according to your child’s perspective.

• Recognize good behavior
How many times did you pick on your child’s misbehaviors, as compared to the good behaviors? Pay attention to what your child is best and good at. Positive behaviors should always praised and appreciated. Observe such behaviours and reward children to maintain and further encourage future positive behaviours.

• Encourage children to act best
Teach them how to do things right by encouraging them through instilling positive which the behavior could bring in to the home. As much as possible, avoid too much praise because the tendency is for children to act according to what others might say and not because appropriateness of the action.

• Listen more, talk less
Children like and want to be heard. The more you talk, the more you give the impression that your child is inferior and that they don’t have the right to express their feelings. They would become submissive and quiet leaving you guessing of what’s going around their minds and hearts.

• Be open
You can encourage your child to talk whenever you initiate a conversation. Try to spark up a talk by sharing your day’s events and eventually your child will do the same. Sharing stories will be a good start to let your children share their lives with you without hesitations and distrust.