In Singapore today, as we are too caught up in the rat race, busy working day and night to provide financial security for ourselves and our family, we tend to have no time left for the seemingly mundane details of life, such as household chores.
The stress from the fast-paced world that we have to keep up relentlessly with, can sometimes get to us if it’s not well-managed. Add on the additional load of taking care of children, and it’s not easy to juggle both sides. That’s when we are getting increasingly dependent on foreign helpers from maid agencies to manage our households.
However, the way we should manage domestic help is a delicate area. It’s an area that we cannot afford to neglect, else there’s a downside to it. In fact, a huge potential downside to it if something goes awry.
Seen videos of maids kicking poor, helpless children like they hate them wholeheartedly? We can pretend all these do not exist and sweep the ugly truth under the carpet, but well, it’s the harsh reality. It makes one wonder how can one abuse a child with no defenses? The child abuse issue is most probably, not just skin-deep.
This is one case that most people will cringe at, where there’s a video of the maid repeatedly stomping on the child’s spine. Here’s another story about a 2-month innocent baby got abused violently by a maid. This will definitely make parents think twice before hiring domestic help to take care of their household and children.
Before we jump quickly to condemn domestic helpers who have contributed to our country in their own ways, we should also slow down to reflect on what went went wrong in the equation of human relationships.
Here are some pointers for child abuse prevention to avoid such unfortunate incidents from happening:
- Lots of patience for cultural and language differences. Remember that our domestic helpers come from very different backgrounds as us. Be patient and guide them through the norms here. Do not be surprised if your maid might mistake a spittoon as a washbasin! Try to stay calm and composed in all situations, even if you are exasperated. Try to think from her point of view.
- Communication. Communication is essential in all relationships and hence, it’s critical that you be an understanding employer. Treat your employee with sincerity and if she will return it in kind, she will communicate her worries and fears to you and in turn, you can offer her advice or help to solve some of her problems so that she can focus on her work. Lack of communication can lead to many problems, including pent-up frustration and anger.
- Reasonable amount of workload. They are not cogs of machines, which we only assign work to. They are after all, humans too. Find out what amount of work is your helper comfortable with on a daily basis and give her some allowance for breaks as well. Find out her strengths and weaknesses and work around them.
Acceptance. Money aside, bear in mind that after all, it’s your family that she’s taking care of, not hers. Her motivation will come from the fact that she’s serving a family that treats her well and accepts her, just like one of them. Bring her along with you for supermarket shopping and build the bond. Use the opportunity to teach her more about the local culture and food. Most importantly, it’s best to nurture a good relationship with her so as to build up understanding and trust.- Sufficient Rest for Work-Life Balance. Allow an off day per week for your maid to rest. Leave her alone for a day to do her own activities, without loading her with the frazzle of the daily chores. If you are worried about her leading astray outside by mixing with the wrong company, perhaps you can bring her along on your weekend family outings.
- Lay down ground rules.
Set some rules that you expect her to abide by, by letting her know the dos and don’ts in your household. Remember that you are the one in control of the fundamental rules, without abusing your authority.
- Understanding. Be alert if your maid seems a little unusual from her normal self. She might be unwell or troubled. Give her the necessary support she needs, for example, seeking medical help or advice.
Anger management. Pent up emotion can lead to extreme anger. Poor control over your emotions can lead to you abusing your maid, whether it’s emotionally or physically. If you or anyone in your family is experiencing this problem managing anger in a constructive manner, do seek help before it gets out of hand. Try not to drive your maid up the wall, even though she’s driving you up the wall!- Be alert. Notice any subtle changes in your helper or child, for example, body injuries. Listen to what your child or elderly member in your household has to say about your helper, instead of brushing it off. Sometimes, small issues can snowball into big ones. Take preventive measures if you find something amiss.
Hopefully, these child abuse prevention suggestions will be helpful for making living with your domestic helper more pleasant. It’s often so easy to forget the things that we take for granted in our lives. Do not forget to thank them for their great help! Such cases can be reduced as there is more often than none, underlying psychological issues behind every seemingly negative action.
Have any thought-provoking ideas to share with us after reading this article? Please do write in to us!
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14 Dec 09, Mon
I find the contributor to the above article a bright person who is a caregiver and housekeeper herself. Reading through the tips is very reassuring. Thank you for writing.
Recently, my siblings and I have employed a foreign helper for the sake of my ailing mother and ageing father.
Knowing that the FDW is as young as one of my nieces, I recalled my first meeting with the FDW, I welcomed her to my country and my big family with a warm handshake and delighted heart. Continuing in that formality tone, I added that she was not a maid, but a caregiver, a housekeeper and over time a good companion to all of us. Of course, she was reminded that I am the employer who sets rules and maintains standards. After the first round of introduction, my new helper was all ready for her work!
Into her 3rd week of service, my mum has not stopped complimenting the new ‘member’ of the family that she is good. I found my mum leaning her head on the helper when she was not capable of sitting up for too long. In such a short period, the FDW becomes a security net for my mum.
Due to the night calls, the helper needs to wake up to attend to my mum. Due these disturbed sleeps, I allowed the helper to sleep later into the morning, say till 7.30 to 8 a.m., so that she could gain such rest for the daily toil.
Yesterday, being a Sunday, I told her to do light work, and relax. She really did, and I joined her to watch the afternoon local dramas! It’s nice to see her feeling relaxed and at home.
At my expense, I have also arranged that she could call 1) her older sister who works for my sister and chit-chat with her for five minutes from Mon to Fri, and 2) her parents once a month. She is thrilled!
The content here just does not answer anything about child abuse and it seems that you are pinpointing the problem to the management of employer. I feel that the article does not address the issue of the child itself but just ways to handle a maid so she will not take revenge on the child.
When a maid abuses a child, or can’t be bothered, it is not only about the way the employer treats her, but about whether she knows how to handle a child. Expectations from parents and even the child, will cause the maid distress, and statistically, instead of taking care of the child, the maid will do the opposite. Remember that maids are not professionally trained to take care of children. Even if they are parents themselves, they may not know as much and remember, your kid is not theirs. It’s not a matter of treating your maid nice or be “employer of the year”. But to set the boundaries right such that there can be no instance that abuse be initiated by her.