Today’s Motherhood

Question on Child Behavior Problems: I am a housewife looking after my 20 month old girl. My girl is very cranky and clings to me. It is very difficult for me to complete my household chores and even harder to go toilet. When my girl takes nap in the afternoon,  sometimes she is very adamant to sleep on my shoulder.

This makes me stressful and tired and my shoulders hurts. I don’t have any help from my family members. Sometimes I feel like asking my mum to take care for me while I run to work. My girl expects me to be around her every time even when playing. I need some time and I want my kid to be independent. How do I handle my kid?

Please advice me on this.

Answer : What your daughter is going through is a common but limited phase of child development. Many children strongly prefer one parent over every other person in the world for a brief period of time. Usually they prefer their mothers for a period (ranging in length from approximately one month to several months) during the later part of their first year.

During this particular time her desire for you is especially intense, as she is in the midst of a developmental phase characterized by separation anxiety. Often after children grow out of this stage, they will prefer their fathers over everyone else on the face of the earth. Generally the period they attach to their fathers is shorter than the period when only their mothers can make the world a better place.

Don’t try to get too much done during the periods you are alone with your daughter. Use this time to build an even stronger relationship between the two of you. Adjust the family dinner time so that you don’t start cooking until after your husband has come home so that he can take over with her. Get your husband or another responsible adult take your daughter out of the house for an hour or so each day so that you can have a little time to do the things you need and want to do without her crying to be picked up.

If you really want or need to go somewhere, eg. family functions, gatherings etc, consider hiring a babysitter for the evening. As long as you are spending focused quality time with your daughter each day, it’s okay to get a sitter occasionally in the evening, or any time of the day which you think is useful to you.It’s okay to let her cry sometimes. If you keep picking her up each time she cries for you, she will use this as an advantage to get you to be by her side all the time. You must make her understand through your actions sometimes that you love her but right now, there is something else you need to do.

I do not know if this is a correct time for me to say this but if I were you, I will enjoy this moment to its peak. Because I know one day, my daughter will be a grown-up and when she is very much independent then, she will not need me as much as she does now! I will miss her badly!

Do you any questions on child behavior problems for our experts? If you have, please go to our Ask The Experts section for parenting help.

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Finally, the long awaited holidays has arrived. After a year of hard work, you certainly deserve to have a good holiday with your child. But as a new year is starting, is your child ready for his first day of the new school term?

By preparing your child for his first day of the school year, you can help him succeed. As with so many events in our lives, the more prepared we are, the better the outcome.

Therefore, you can follow the following practical tips can give your child a good start to the school year by preparing him well during the holidays.

1. Learning Tools

Pick up school supplies before the first day of school. Most school book stores have lists of the supplies children are expected to have. Make sure your child’s inventory is equipped with all the necessary stuff.

2. Dress for Success

Take your child to try out the school uniform before the new school term. Let him take a look at himself in the mirror so that he is mentally prepared of his new self-image when he goes to school. Make you’re your child is feeling comfortable in the outfit. Wearing a comfortable outfit helps a child feel more at ease and ready to take on the challenge of a new year of learning.

3. Keep your child reading during the holiday

Reading is an essential skill for learning. Like all skills, reading is a perishable skill and takes time to nurture. Give your child plenty of practice time. Make sure your child’s study desk is filled with reading material. Make weekly visits to the library so your child can pick out fresh reading material. Set aside time each day for reading. To be a good role model, you can read together with your child too.

4. Learn a new word each day

A strong vocabulary foundation takes time to build. And a strong vocabulary is one of the prime indicators of success in school. The more words your child knows and feels comfortable using, the more likely it is that he will do well in school.

So put a new word on your family bulletin board or refrigerator each day. Encourage your child to check it up in the dictionary. Have everyone in the family use the word in a sentence at the dinner table and make the word a regular part of your conversation. Cultivate the right study habits.

5. Play Roles of Teacher & Student

To make learning more fun and interactive, you can play the role of the teacher and have your child play the role of student. Make sure your child knows about the class rules like raising his hand in order to ask a question, helping the teacher hand out papers, or how to be quiet when asked.

You may also want to explore any situations that your child is concerned about. What does he do if someone is mean to him? What should he do if the teacher asks him a question and he does not know the answer?

Once you know his concerns, give him possible solutions to the problem and then practice those solutions with role playing.

Adopt these five strategies during the holidays. They will better prepare your child for the new school term and impart confidence and solutions which will help him to succeed.

Article by Study Grandmaster. To nurture your child into a genius, visit www.studygrandmaster.com.

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Introduction

Cloth diapering is back with the introduction of modern cloth baby diapers in recent years. These cloth diapers are as easy to use as disposables, machine-washable and attractively-designed. It is now possible to conveniently diaper babies and toddlers in cloth full-time – that includes night-time, when shopping and even travelling abroad. Since a child will be in diapers for a few years, using cloth diapers can bring about significant cost savings and is also environmentally-friendly.

Benefits

Save Money
Building a stash of modern cloth diapers is an investment that will save you money in the many months of diapering ahead. Here is an example:

Modern Cloth Diapers: 15 one-size diapers to rotate x S$30 each = S$450 (total)
Disposables: 6 per day x S$0.30 per diaper x 365 days = S$657 (per year!)

If your child is toilet-trained at 3 years old, that means S$1,971 in total or S$1,521 down the rubbish bin, which could have been contributed to his/her education fund instead.

Cloth Baby diapers are gentle on babies’ sensitive skin, which means no more rashes and expensive diaper cream. Good quality cloth diapers can also be handed down to the next one to two children, further lowering the costs. Many mothers also use cloth wipes which complement cloth diapers perfectly for even more savings.

Save Mother Earth
Having a child on disposables for three years means adding about 6,570 (3 years x 365 days x 6 diapers per day) diapers to the landfill! Compare that with about 15 one-size diapers and the difference is obvious.

For an especially green diapering method, modern cloth diapers can be washed together with the family’s clothes in a full load every one to two days in an energy-efficient washing machine and line-dried. There are also cloth diapers made from natural fibres such as wool, bamboo, unbleached hemp and organic unbleached cotton.

When your children are potty-trained, well-maintained cloth diapers can be sold in the second-hand market (for instance, Diaperswap Forum), given away to relatives and friends or donated to charity.

How to Start
I started with cloth diapering after learning from other mothers who generously shared their experiences in cloth diaper review websites and blogs. You may also seek out relatives or friends who are using modern cloth diapers on their children. It is amazing how enjoyable and addictive modern cloth diapering can be.

Win a Cloth Diaper!
If you wish to consider cloth diapering or add to your cloth diaper stash, participate in Mummy’s Reviews’ Giveaway before 31 December 2009 to stand a chance to win a cloth diaper worth S$29 in your favourite colour!

About the Writer

Mummy to Baby V is a first-time mother who relocated from Singapore to Malaysia. She has been cloth-diapering and breastfeeding her 9-month old son since he was born. Her blog, Mummy’s Reviews, provides reviews on products and services that her family has tried and aims to help parents make smart purchases.

Website: mummysreviews.com
Contact: mummy-to-baby-v@mummysreviews.com

Any thoughts to share with us on eco-friendly cloth baby diapers? Do feel free to write in to us!

Below are the winners of Today’s Motherhood Refer a Friend and Win Contest for November 09. They have won themselves a S$30 BabyAtWork Voucher

Below are the names of the winners:

1. Vivien Leong
2. Audrey Kang
3. Sarah Cheong
4. Lim Yih Wei
5. Mary Koh

**Winners will be notified by email individually.

** Terms and Conditions apply

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Stories about Motherhood

Teaching young children is not an easy task. It might sound so light and bubbly because children are funny but you might have to realize in the end that the best things come from the innocent minds. Ironically, children’s ideas are simple but profound.

Life’s lessons are best learned through a child. I am a mother of two and I am faced with the challenge of letting my young boy do his homework and study for the periodic examinations. At times when I felt so disappointed by his performance, his teachers would come comforting me by telling me that he is just so young to be in his grade level, and that He would soon grow up and become mature enough to welcome ideas and do the requisites of his education on his own.

One time, I was sharing my fears and experiences about teaching my little boy to my co-teacher. I fear that he might not be able to write and learn according to his age. She also opened up to share her motherhood stories about her son. Her son, who happened to be my son’s classmate, came in the faculty room, took off his bag and sat beside her mother. We paused for a while and I signaled the mother to ask Justin about how my son was doing.

The mother said, “Justin, are you and Nash are friends?”

Justin replied, “Yes. We were laughing in class this morning.”

The mother asked, “So how is Nash in your room? Does he study?”

Justin looked at me and sighed, “Oh, Nash does not write. He refuses to do his tasks. He does not listen. He keeps on doing other things.”

From his look, I begin to envy my co-teacher for having such a responsible child, able to differentiate a good act from misbehavior.

Then my co-teacher proudly asked, “So, how about your son? How are you doing in class?”

Justin, grasping for an answer for a while, stared at his mother with a very humble look suddenly grinned and replied, “Me? Oh, I don’t actually differ from Nash. We’re friends!”

Hearing that, my co-teacher and I asked no more further questions and decided to head on to our next class in silence.

A child’s innocence never ceases to amaze us. Thought about any special moments between you and your child or about motherhood? Do write in to us and tell us how you feel! Your story will be shared in our parenting websites

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In our exclusive email interview with Ben Morley with some great interview questions, he talks about his kids’ fiction book called The Silence Seeker. Here’s the synopsis for the book:

When a new family moves in next door, Joe’s mum explains that they are asylum seekers. Joe hears that they are silence seekers, especially as Mum adds that they need peace and quiet. When he sees a young boy from the family sitting disconsolately on the steps, Joe decides to help him find a quiet place in the noisy and chaotic city.

Hi Ben,

1) Would you like to start by introducing yourself to our readers?

My name is Ben Morley and I have been living and working in Singapore for almost 3 years now. Originally, I am from London and I have a BA (HONS) degree in Education from Durham University. I have been teaching in Early Years education for 11 years now and have worked at schools in the UK, Poland, Brunei and Shanghai.

This is my third year at Eton House Orchard where I combine my role as class teacher with that of PYP Coordinator/Assistant Director for the whole school. In the mornings, I am classroom based and, in the afternoons, I am busy away from the classroom with my other roles. I am married to Heloise, a designer, and have two children…a daughter, Lyra, who has just turned 3 and a son, Rocco, who is 1. I enjoy sports, the outdoors, writing and snakes!

2) The concept of finding silence in the city is interesting. Can you tell us more about the inspiration behind this book?

3) Refugee immigration seems to be the one of the running themes in the story. What is the core message that you are trying to get across to the children?

If it is OK, I will answer these two questions together. Many years ago, I was living and working back home in inner-city London. I was a teacher at a large, state primary school. It was many, many miles from Singapore in so many ways, not just geographically.

The intake of the children in the school was a true reflection of the surrounding area. A surrounding area that still includes some of the most deprived housing estates in London, if not the entire UK.

I would often share books with the children at this school and feel the stories they told were so far removed from the children’s lives that they found it really difficult to connect with them.

Of course, I know a good story sometimes takes us a long way away from reality and we are able to lose ourselves in that anonymity for a while but I wanted to write something that these children could relate to. Something they might believe. I wanted them to see children like themselves on the front cover of a book and I thought that, perhaps, this might persuade them to open it and have a look.

As you can imagine, many of the children in the school had first hand experience of immigration and others were asylum seekers or had very real connections to asylum seekers. These children had already been through so much in spite of their young age.

Unsurprisingly, the subject of asylum seekers often came up during class discussions, particularly with the older children, and it was incredible to hear these children share their stories with their newfound friends. These stories were often hard to fathom, frequently desperately sad but what I sensed time and again in the children was hope.

It was this sense of hope that inspired me to write a story about asylum seekers. However, it is not necessarily about asylum seekers, it is more about belonging and the possibilities of friendship. How children often see people for what they really are not what they have been labeled with, how children live in the present and, above all, how children have a huge capacity for understanding, empathy and love. I believe the story celebrates how children embrace a shared humanity that seems to come so naturally to them.

Also, I didn’t want to write a story with a ‘happy ending’ but, at the same time, I didn’t want the story to have a sad ending either. I wanted it to be open. I wanted to write a story that left the reader or the listener space to think. Spaces they might then choose to fill in themselves.

4) What do you think is a good way to find silence in the busy and frantic world we live in today?

I think we all need to find our own quiet places once in a while. Places where we can be alone with our thoughts and take stock of our lives. The place you find that silence may not need to be too far from home. In fact, it might just mean finding a quiet corner in your own home and being by yourself for a short while. I know I certainly do this.

However, for me in Singapore, I truly enjoy spending time in the great outdoors, be it running around MacRitchie Reservoir or walking around Sungei Buloh Nature Reserve. I find these places put my problems into perspective and I return home more relaxed and calmer afterwards…although the cicadas are not very silent!

5) Was Joe right in thinking that the refugee asylum seeking neighbours were actually seeking for quiet peace from their past?

I think this is up for the reader to decide!

6) The book talks about the unique friendship between Joe and the boy who suddenly left. Do you have any similar personal experience in Britain?

I grew up in a very multi-cultural area of London. The schools I attended as a boy and the schools I have worked in as an adult are a reflection of this society. I am proud to say that I have friends from every corner of the globe and some of these friends happen to be immigrants to the UK or the children of immigrants to the UK. I think what is particularly poignant about the friendship between Joe and the boy is that it is a friendship without words.

As Leroy Brownlow once said, “Sometimes silence is the loudest voice” and I think he was right. The friendships I have established over the years often don’t start with language but with a shared interest or passion. Again, this is the idea of shared humanity I wanted to get across in the story.

7) Can you give us some tips as to how to engage our children in the book?

Firstly, I didn’t write the story with a particular age range in mind. I believe that picture books are for everybody and not necessarily for younger children. As many of you know, a good picture book is read or heard a thousand times, night after night, and I wanted to write a story that might offer something new on each reading.

As Britain’s Children’s Laureate, Anthony Browne, put it, “A gradually expanding sense of understanding.” To this end, I hope there is something for us all to think about in the story.

Perhaps, this book will serve as a springboard for discussions about this important issue, no matter how far removed from that reality the listener may feel they are here in Singapore. I hope this is something they will think about, reflect on and, ultimately, act upon. Or, perhaps, they will just enjoy it as a story in itself.

In the end, I think back to the children I taught in London, I think of my own children and I think of the children I have known in many, many schools across the globe and I know that, if we were to put them all in a big room together, the vast majority of them would get on like a house on fire! Sometimes as adults, we forget this and I strongly believe this is something we need to embrace.

Thanks for your time taken to answer our questions!

You are more than welcome…happy reading everybody!

Any thoughts to share after reading this interview? Perhaps you would like to share your views on the author’s book with us and our readers by writing in to us!

Read this interview with Ben Morley and answer a simple question, “Who is the author of the book - The Silence Seeker?” and stand a chance to win the book “The Silence Seeker”

Email your answers to contest@todaysmotherhood with the following details

a. Your name
b. Email Address
c. Contact No
d. Your Answer

A total of 4 books autographed by the Ben Morley to be given away.

Note : Contest is only open to readers residing in Singapore.

Contest ends 20 Dec 2009

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Important Announcement

Due to some technical issues, the seminar has been postponed to 16 Jan 2010 (Sat).

Have you been looking for ways to enhance your child’s learning capability and maximize their potential ?

If so, you might be interested in this event.

Details of the event are as follow:

Essential Learning Skills for Young Children

Acquire knowledge on how we could nurture our children and bring out the best potential in them.

Venue : 168 Jalan Bukit Merah, Surbana One, Tower 1, Level One

Auditorium, Singapore 150168 (next to Fusion Bistro)
Date : 16 Jan 2010

Time : 1pm to 5pm

Early Bird : $20.00 per pair (including GST)

Usual : $30.00 per pair (including GST) & $15.00 per ticket (including GST)

Register now by clicking here

For more information, please call +65-6377 2912

Programme Schedule:

Time : 1.30pm

Talk by Mr. David Ng, CEO of Little Neuro Tree

Topics:
- Key skills in Cultivating Reading habits in Children
- Developing Language Skills in Children and its importance
- Boosting Memory Skills in Children

Time : 3.30pm

Talk by Vanessa von Auer and Silvia Fontanella ( Clinic Director
and Associate Director of VAPC Consultancy)

Topics:
- Developing Emotional Skills in Children
- Developing Social Skills in Children

Event Synopsis

Ever wondered how to develop your child to his or her maximum potential abilities, but do not know the way to do so?

Founder of Little Neuro Tree Mr David Ng answers your enquiries on how to enhance your child’s reading, language and memory skills.

Some young children have problems expressing themselves. The Clinic Director, Vanessa von Auer and the Associate Director Silvia Fontanella from Von Auer Psychology Centre share on how to develop emotional and social skills in kids which will benefit them a life time.

Register now by clicking here

Photography by Yew Kwang was established in year 2002 with our initial business focus on weddings. In year 2005, the studio was set up in response to the high demand for family and kids photography services.

Over the years, our photography style and album presentation has evolved constantly to ensure we are always in sync with the latest
trend in the market.

We specialise in capturing babies and kids in their most natural expressions. We believe that simple background will produce images that enhance the focus on the subject. We also shoot in black and white with creative lighting for babies as these images are often timeless.

Apart from photography for kids and babies, our studio also provide photography service for maternity, executive and fashion makeover.

In terms of outdoor photography, we provide photography coverage for bridal, weddings and events.

Website: www.yewkwang.com
Email: yewkwang@yewkwang.com
HP: 97608980
Address: 1104A Serangoon Road Singapore 328197

(By Appointment Only)

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Talking to your Child about Sex: Appropriate Language for Different Ages

When is the right time to begin talking to your Children about Sex Education? The answer is: Right away!

From Birth
Children should not become ashamed of their body. If there is confusion, this can present later in life as body image issues or shame surrounding their sexuality.

• Use the correct names for body parts. Nicknames may imply that the body is something to be hidden or masked.
• Be positive about bodily functions. Instead of saying, “Eek! That stinks!” when changing the diaper, consider saying “What a healthy bowel movement!” Bowel movement is just a part of life.
• Normalize self-touch. Recognise that self-exploration and curiosity of one’s genitals is normal and healthy.

Ages 2 to 3
Your child will begin asking questions about his body and the bodies of others. He or she will start to notice the differences between men and women, and will begin to verbalize that confusion and seek answers from you. Here’s how you can educate and guide your own child:

• If your child is exploring his or her body and genitals in public or at inappropriate times, explain that while it feels good to touch the penis or the vulva, they are private parts and this touching should only occur in private.
• Teach your children that their private parts are their own and that no one else should touch them, other than parents/ caregivers who are helping to wash them or wipe them. Also, let them know that other people’s private parts are off-limits too.
• Enforce the lessons of “good touch“ and “bad touch“ at this age. Good touching is wanted and feels okay; bad touching is when they don’t want to be touched. Teach your child to say, “Don’t touch me that way” if someone ever touches them in a way that they don’t want to be touched, and to inform you or a teacher.

Ages 7 to 9
The child enters the phase of asking all questions related to, “Where do babies come from?”. Rather than become overwhelmed by these questions, try answering questions using a matter of fact approach and in bite-size stages.

Age 10 - 11
Consider giving an anatomy lesson by using sexual anatomy drawings of girls and boys. You may talk about how semen is made, ovulation, menstruation, tampons or pads, and “wet dreams”. You should include the other physical changes that happen with adolescence, such as hair growth, deepening voice, and growth of breasts and penis.

Normalize all of this and let them know that these changes happen at different times for everyone. Reassure them that they can come to you any time they want with questions or concerns.

Age 12 - 14
Your child is well into adolescence. It is very important to continue reinforcing the lessons you have taught them in the past. You may be giving the same information and answering the same questions numerous times, but realise that the information is being processed differently each time. Be sure to cover birth control options, including discussion, demonstration and condom negotiation.

Age 14 - 17
Answer questions and concerns as fully and non-judgmentally as possible. Revisit the safer sex, birth control and condom negotiation subjects. Continue instilling the importance of behaving appropriately online and via cell phones. Discuss current events, and use the media for teachable moments. Lastly, remind them that sexual pleasure goes both ways.

Keys to Children Sex Education

• Discuss in a matter of fact approach
• Avoid lecturing
• Include more than just biological facts
• Don’t worry about telling too much
• Use correct terminology
• Teach prevention and protection from abuse
• Discuss the opposite sex
• Teach about STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections)
• Discuss Homosexuality
• Help them be comfortable and check to see if they understood

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore and holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sex and life coaching, runs sex educational workshops and gives public talks. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

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Vanessa von Auer
Clinic Director/Psychologist
MA (Counseling), B.A. Psychology (hons.), EMDR

Vanessa’s training began in America. She lived, studied and worked there for four years. She received her Bachelor of Arts Psychology (Honors) from Claremont McKenna College, USA. She then continued with her advanced education and obtained her Master’s in Counseling from Monash University, Australia.

Since then, Vanessa has established her psychology centre, VA Psychology Centre, which provides therapeutic services to children, teenagers, adults and families. She also established STARS Development Centre Pte Ltd, an international special needs centre for children with Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD, PDDNOS, etc.).

In addition, Vanessa is a Senior Psychologist at the Child Development Unit, at the National University Hospital. She is also qualified to conduct psycho-educational assessments to help identify and diagnose disorders, strengths and weaknesses. Vanessa has been featured in a multitude of print, TV and radio media releases.
Vanessa believes that every child and adult has the potential to lead a happy, fun and fulfilling life!

Vanessa has spent her career helping parents learn effective parenting strategies, has helped children process their emotional difficulties in healthy ways and has helped families grower closer in their dynamics with one another. Vanessa’s other treatment areas include helping individuals with adjustment/expatriation difficulties, anxiety disorders, anger management, chronic pain, stress management, as well as couples, marriage and family therapy.

Vanessa uses an integrative approach to her counseling session, which consists of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and Expressive Therapy approaches. She conducts sessions in English and German.

Silvia Fontanella
Psychologist
B. Psychology (Hons); Doctoral Candidate (JCUS)

Silvia obtained a Bachelor of Psychology (Honours) from the University of Geneva (Switzerland). She is currently pursuing a doctorate in Clinical Psychology from James Cook University. Silvia integrates in her work principles of cognitive-behavioral therapy, motivational interviewing and psychodynamic theories. She is also trained in EMDR (Part 1 and 2).

Her focus is on helping children and adults overcome clinical or behavioural problems including anxiety, anger, and mood disorders. Silvia also provides educational and psychological assessments. She has had previous training experiences in both private practice and outpatient medical facilities.

Silvia has been living in Singapore for more than six years, and is interested in cross-cultural psychology and cultural adjustment issues and she works with both the expatriate and local community. She is fluent in English, Italian and French.

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